Tribal golB: Jan'10

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2010-01-04 Verifies Commitment

Dear Ari,

I'm wondering if we're still on for tomorrow.

The regular Tribe meeting is tomorrow at 7pm. My commitment is to hold a meeting every other Tuesday.

Verifying your own commitment
and your associates' commitment
is a way to dissipate drama around disappointment.

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2010-01-04 Development vs. Support

Dear Ari,

It looks like you have not done any development for the past 2 years. Is that correct? If so, can you tell me a little about your decision to move into product support?

Thank you for your interest in my background.

My experience includes developing software and developing relationships. Listening to your customers is a straightforward approach to developing software that your customers want to use.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $SERVING_YOUR_CUSTOMERS to a tribe meeting.

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2010-01-05 Wants to Connect

[Name] requested to add you as a connection on LinkedIn:

Ari,

It was great meeting you today at [event]. I greatly applaud your efforts to get technical professionals together & discuss feelings. This is something that is needed in our region. Let's stay connected.

Sincerely,
[Name]

Thank you for your invitation and encouragement. The Tribe meets once every two weeks in downtown Los Altos, Calif.

One way to maintain connections is to meet with people in the real world, for instance in a tribe meeting.

Another way is through an online service.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $VIRTUAL & $REAL to a tribe meeting.
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2010-01-05 Fear, Uncertainty and Testing

Dear Ari,

Dunno if you were in the loop, but [company] had a big layoff, followed by a big exodus. In particular, the management types (e.g. [Name], [Name], and [Name]) are out.

@shame: I was "afraid of shame" long ago, before I became a professional programmer. I don't think you can go on with that for very long. Basically, if you work with other people, you have to get over it. I suppose it helped me that hubris is one of the three Virtues of a (Perl) Programmer:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Wall#Virtues_of_a_programmer

@rejection: I am quite familiar with the inability to say "no," but I also know the trouble it causes. Maybe that's just another thing you learn when you do this professionally.

For what it's worth, I do like iterative development with short release cycles, where "no" becomes "maybe later." Harder to do that in big systems where "later" could be "in a few years" because of how long changes take. [I guess this is where refactoring comes in? :)] In that case, either I try to talk "the customer" out of it, or else they'll have to make concessions. I don't scale very well. :)

@disappointment: What's wrong with third-party libraries? So long as they're open source... :)

@fear: This is probably the only one that bothers me. At [company] we had the phrase "scary change" -- the kind where you think it works but aren't sure. Obsessive testing does help alleviate that, and we had a fair bit. The question then becomes whether you think you have enough...

Thank you for your feedback.

Individuals and groups who block feelings entrain drama around the very feelings they block. I recall drama around QA and unit testing at the company you mention, like the QA manager staying up all night every time a new release ships. I recall lots of talk about automatic testing, and no follow-through on these plans.

A management culture that blocks fear
entrains scary changes in code
and in
company ownership.

The positive intention of fear is risk control.

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2010-01-06 Tribe Meeting Report

Dear Ari,

I'm truly grateful for the wonderful learning experience I had last night. Below is what I wrote in my dairy for that.I will bring home made pastries to the meeting to share in our next meeting.

06 January, 2009

Yesterday was the first time I have participated the Tribe's meeting. I was so pleasantly please how much I got out of it during the two and an half hours section.

The exercises we did to share our present moment's of thinking and feeling without reservation and fear; then, likewise to accept other's without any judgment, without of active engaging, thus without emotional involvement are quite valuable to me. I felt I have learnt something; I have made an effort to improve myself the most effective way and actually feel it already made a difference in me. It would not be possible without the help of the [..] other members. I know that I will not be able to accomplish this alone.

For the very first time, I experienced that I can trust the two members that I don't know before as a result of the exercise communicating present thinking and feelings; it's such an unfamiliar feeling of feel connected with strangers at a level I usually don't expect with the people I just met.

I know this is going to help me to improve my awareness in relating and communicating with people around me, especially the software professionals that I work with. There are many universal software development problems can be better solved with this new approach; to let go of the need to pressure, to manipulate, to control and to blame others in order to get the results we desire.

I couldn't say enough of how great this experience is. I left the meeting feeling happy and content because it is possible to bridge understandings even with the people we think we are unalike and lack of common background. I have experienced unblock my natural protective behaviors and habits; I feel that I have gained new alliances and friendships. I want this experience to become a seed that will continue to grow in me with others. Thank you [tribe members]! I'm truly grateful to this learning experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience--and for being part of the Tribe.

Amazing things happen when you are willing to accept others without judgement and share your own feelings.

Happiness is...

...accepting the world as it is,
in the moment of now,
without judgement.

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2010-01-06 Gets Things Back

Dear Ari,

There were three things I was going to get back to you from [the Tribe meeting] last night.

Edward Debono thinking tools I had the book at one time and likely gave it away.

Ken Beck --- post -- Manipulation: A Matter of Intent

Dan Gilbert -- Stumbling on Happiness -- an excellent book.

Thank you for the pointers--and for being part of the Tribe.

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2010-01-07 Doesn't Agree (intra-tribe communication)

Dear [Tribe Member],

Thank you for sharing these [links] with me. I do consider myself more of a thinker than feeler. I also follow Ted's presentations; some of them are truly inspiring and interesting.

I don't completely agree with Dan Gilbert. His theory is too generalized certainly does not apply to all the cultures.

Thank you for the "Semantic Web for Dummies" book. I'll try to finish it before we meet again.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

I wonder what specifically you disagree with and if you have examples of cultures where this theory doesn't apply.

If you receive a message you don't like, you can make the feeling of discomfort go away. The trick is to invalidate the messenger and threaten him with a feeling he likes to avoid. A common manipulation is to imply that the messenger's perspective is narrower than your own.

Eurocentrism, ironically,

is a feeling many Americans like to avoid.

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2010-01-08 CFO for Hire

Dear Ari,

I enjoyed meeting you at [event] yesterday. Below is some info about firm. If you or anyone you know may need our services I would appreciate a referral. I am also attaching my resume .

[Name] Financial Services, Inc. provides consulting CFO (my role) and outsourced accounting services to start up and small companies. Our clients have included [Name] Inc. (owned by [Company]), [Name] Technologies ( acquired by [Company]), [Name] Inc. an Internet search company , [Name] Technologies ( a semiconductor start up funded by [Venture Firm], [Name] Capital et. al), [Name] Networks ( which has been funded by [Fund] and [Name] Capital and [Venture Firm]) as well as many other start up companies. We have the experience and expertise of a larger firm, but due to our competitive rates and "strictly as needed" involvement, our clients find our services to be extremely economical and effective.

I personally have over 15 years' of experience starting with a "Big Six" accounting firm. I have held financial management positions at [Tech Giant] and [Tech Giant] as well as high technology start-ups. Please check out our website at [url]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

If someone reads your post here and asks me for your contact information, I can pass it along.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $NAMEDROPPING to a tribe meeting.

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2010-01-08 Wants Application to Modify Behavior

I'm looking for someone with startup/general business experience to help me launch an app. I'm developing. My background is documentary film/int'll politics and development. The app deals with behavior change modification and involves partnering with large charitable NGO's. I've developed the app on paper and started talking to programmers and am looking for someone to help with the realities of implementation to sales.
I wonder whose behavior you intend to modify with your application.
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2010-01-12 long time no talk

Hey Ari, how's the baby? Are you using any type of IM these days?

Leah O'Reilly Open Source Convention

Thank you for reconnecting. Leah is 8 months old now, and she's awesome. I love her. Just writing about her brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes.

I don't use instant messaging much. I find real meaning in connecting in person, face-to-face, hand-to-hand and belly-to-belly.

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2010-01-12 Feedback

Try to consider people's feelings before you make assumptions about these very personal emotions people have. I am saying this as feedback in case you want to speak to the same person more than once.

Thank you for sharing your story tonight--and your feedback.

I am noticing my own discomfort around $GUILT when I reflect on our conversation. I recall many dramas around guilt in my life. Thank you for helping me notice the connection between my probing and the guilt drama that I seem to entrain.

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2010-01-12 Parsing Venture Capital

Dear Ari;

Venture capital is all about broken promises and false expectations. You can make money in abusiness.

It's just has to be a business, not a fantasy. Trust me I've lost lots of money in ventures.

All the Best,

Name

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I notice that when I read your assertion "You can make money in abusiness," I initially parse it as "make money in abusiveness."

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2010-01-13 Hacker Fair

The Hacker Dojo is hosting a FREE event for talented developers to showcase their talents this Saturday, Jan 16 at 10:00am at the Hacker Dojo hackerspace located here: http://bit.ly/hacker-dojo-map

At the Hacker Fair, the job seekers are the ones giving demonstrations and company recruiters will be the ones walking around. Even if you already have a job, it might be worth attending if you're looking for better opportunities. Should you intend to drop by and showcase your talents, please sign up so we can include you in our lunch order: http://hackerdojo.pbworks.com/Hacker-Dojo-Job-Fair If you are hesitant putting your real name on the list, feel free to put something else in its place.

Over 40 companies will be attending so be ready to talk shop and show code. Some of the established companies include Microsoft, Mozilla, Facebook, Yahoo, and Google. There will also be a fair number of valley startups including iSocket, Outright, Meebo, Ooyala, Presdo, and many others. Job seekers are meeting at the Hacker Dojo on the night before around 6:00pm to prepare.

Feel free to retweet and pass the message on. Hopefully we'll see you there at the Hacker Fair!

I like your idea for a fair. I plan to attend.

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2010-01-13 Wants to Check Out

Dear Ari,

Nice meeting you at [event]. For future, how much are your meetings? where are they, how long, etc. Might be fun to check one out.

Have a great new year!

Thank you for your interest.

I hold Tribe meetings every other Tuesday at 7pm in Los Altos, Calif. I charge nothing for them.

I look for a level of commitment in an individual before I invite him or her to a meeting. My experience is that if one member checks out, everyone checks out and the tribe doesn't work.

You may wish to review golB for tribe members' reports of their experience with tribe work, as well as this page on Ed Seykota's site that describes his process. I model my process on Ed's experience.

Having Fun Checking Out
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2010-01-13 Emotional Decision Making

Dear Ari,

Lecture about emotions/noemotions in decision-making with the brain surgery example:

http://fora.tv/2010/01/05/Jonah_Lehrer_How_We_Decide

Thank you for the link.

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2010-01-14 Abusiveness Business

Now that I've re-read it. I thought it read abusiveness too. Maybe there is money in it.

All the Best,

[Name]

I bet there is.

Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...
Oh, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.

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2010-01-14 Would Love to Connect

Hey Ari,

Found your info through the HackerDojo. We're an iPhone applications company in San Francisco and we specialize in iPhone Web Applications with a thin client and a ruby on rails back end. We're hiring full time and also contractors.

Would love to connect and know what you are looking for. We can either chat or email - looking forward!

Thanks,

[Name]
CEO
[Company Name] Inc.

Thank you for reaching out.

I am presenting some of my work at Hacker Dojo on Saturday and I invite you to attend the event. I like communicating face-to-face--and the Dojo provides just that opportunity.

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2010-01-16 Where and When

Dear Ari --

About you! http://www.sworddance.com/blog/2010/01/16/empathic-developers/

Next meeting is where and when (Jan 19 ... ? )

Thank you for the link. I am glad people are finding their way to this site.

Tribe membership is by invitation. If you wish to join, send me a description of an issue you wish to address, including how you want the result to turn out.

The Tribe meets every other Tuesday at 7pm in Los Altos, Calif.

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2010-01-17 Pay-Checking-Out

Thank you Ari.

I will check it out when I get a chance. My life is a bit hectic now finishing up various and am looking for work at the moment. I think I mentioned I took off over a year to get my health in order, and I did luckily, but now it is time to do the paycheck thing. I think it is always good to improve oneself, be balanced and also to believe in yourself. This is what helped me this last year.

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

You may wish to bring the feelings that stand between you and a $PAYCHECK to a Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-17 Despises RTFM Attitude

Dear Ari,

Specifically, I am looking for developers who do NOT tell me "Editing a webpage is easy all you have to do is ..." followed by a list of highly technical things that the average business owner has neither the ability nor time to do. I am looking for developers who despise an RTFM attitude.

(Or people who MIGHT know such developers! )

Thank you for your note. The Tribe is not a networking group and does not offer staffing advice.

If you repeatedly associate with people who fall short of your expectations, the drama may be an excuse for you to experience a feeling you otherwise block.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $ANGER to a tribe meeting.

I RTFM license plate

"RTFM" is an imperative. I don't tell people what to do. I sometimes share my experience with people. I recall ordering an "I RTFM" license plate. DMV refuses saying this combination may be considered offensive [or] misleading.

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2010-01-18 Physical Pixel Art

Hi Ari,

I really like your site. You said on Saturday that you are "just an engineer," but that really isn't true. You have a great eye, and make art in its own right.

Anyway, I'd love to see your machine. The results are really amazing. Many artists form cooperatives and buy printing-presses and the like by pooling funds, and/or asking money for "press time."

At the very least I think I'd like to buy or trade some press-time from you to try making some prints using your machine to make the blocks. I could trade lessons in print-making/engraving using manual and simple-machine techniques.

Hand-printing is pretty time-consuming so it wouldn't be profitable per se, but might give you ideas either for investing in a press or buying press time at co-op somewhere. If I can find someplace that sells press time I can even acquaint you with that end of it, it's easier than it looks. Printmaking is the story of artists' secret obsession with the technical, so as an engineer you'll probably love it!

It also might be cool to collaborate with you or help you sell your idea, but I'm not sure what your goals are, so we'd have to sit down and talk before forming any more formal alliances.

It was really great meeting you, let's talk soon :)

[Name]

(Tall red-head artist from the Hacker Dojo event)

Thank you for your encouragement.

ShopBot artwork

The machine I use lives at the Sawdust Shop in Sunnyvale; you can rent machine time directly from them. The machine is a ShopBot CNC router. My software drives the machine to drill thousands of holes in a piece of wood. The holes that it drills are like physical pixels--they blur together to create an image.

Thank you for your offer to collaborate. I want to learn how to market my art.

Thank you for pointing out your uncertainly about my goals. I want to develop more clarity on where I want to go with art. Thank you for your offer to help me achieve this clarity.

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2010-01-18 Re: Engineering Emotions

Dear Ari

Interesting stuff. I'm not sure I see it the way you do, but I think that the basic idea is very sound -- emotions and the way we handle them express themselves in our lives and in the software we write.

I also think it's worth noting that the way we handle our emotions has as much effect on the process of writing software as it does on the software itself. For example, emotions affect how we interact with others, how and whether we push our ideas, what teams and communities we form, and so on, and this has a huge effect on what ideas eventually become software.

One thing I find that is interesting is that you have written the article in terms of blocking emotions. I'm not sure that blocking is always the correct word. In many cases, I suspect we fear the emotions or are ignorant of them.

When we fear an emotion, we avoid situations that give rise to those emotions. For example, somebody who grew up with angry parents might avoid conflict because they are incapable of dealing with anger. They aren't blocking anger -- it's likely they feel it quite strongly -- they simply don't have the correct training to know what to do with it.

Programming examples include:

-- The example you list for fear itself.

-- People who fear rejection will avoid criticism, such as through avoiding pair programming, avoiding communities (even of like-minded people), not speaking up in meetings, not pushing new ideas, etc.

-- People who fear conflict will back down quickly from an idea, even if it is a good one. Similarly, they won't participate in any but the most supportive of communities.

-- etc.

As to ignorance of emotions, I'm not quite sure that "ignorance" is quite the right word. What I mean is that we are so out of touch with our own emotions or the emotions of others that we either don't recognize them or don't have the skills to handle them in ourselves or others. For example:

-- Lack of empathy. This is a big one. For example:

a) This is another cause of feature creep -- programmers think the cool feature they've just invented is something everybody wants, even if users don't understand it.

b) GUIs designed by engineers often have the same problem -- engineers think everybody sees the world their way and can't (or don't even try to) imagine the way users see the world.

c) People who don't recognize that somebody else might be shy or that their culture might prevent them from speaking up.

-- Anger management (or lack thereof). I remember working with one engineer who blew up very easily. Other people refused to work with him because they didn't want to be targets of his anger.

-- Narcissism. Engineers who are so self-centered that they fail to notice that other people have ideas or that nobody is interested in their ideas.

-- etc.

Related to all of this is simple lack of social skills, which could be viewed as a failure to notice the emotions of others, but also might simply be a lack of training. Examples are constantly interrupting, not listening to the ideas of others, talking endlessly in meetings, putting down the ideas of others, etc.

It would be nice for individuals to overcome these problems themselves, but that either (a) never happens or (b) takes a looooooooong time. It is therefore one of the main jobs of bottom-level management to help smooth over the difficulties that arise because of typical human frailties -- keeping your employees happy and talking is as important as juggling deadlines.

Furthermore, corporations should set up cultures that they feel are appropriate for dealing with these sorts of things. In software, this often means very open and inclusive corporate cultures, but heavily hierarchical cultures undoubtedly have their place as well.

Finally, I suspect there is already a large body of literature about this sort of thing, although not specifically as it expresses itself in code. It would be worth looking into psychological studies of engineers and the sociology of corporations. There's a good bet somebody has looked that the anthropology of the Open Source movement as well, although that is less likely to deal directly with emotions.

Good luck,

-- [Name]

Also related to this is the field of emotional intelligence. I've read parts of Goleman's book on this and it makes a lot of sense to me.

Thank you for your feedback and encouragement.

The positive intention of fear is risk control. If you fear sunlight blinding you, you may block sunlight with a pair of sunglasses. If you fear an emotion, you may block it, too. If you block an emotion, you are ignorant of the positive information that it carries. If your sunglasses are dark enough, you are walking around blind. Ironically, trying to block blindness entrains blindness.

Empathy is willingness to receive other people's emotions. People who block their own emotions are likely to block other people's emotions as well.

If you know of other work in this field, I can post pointers to it here. The closet I know to "anthropology of the Open Source movement" is Eric S. Raymond's work from the late 1990s and early 2000's. ESR's work focuses on the conscious, including many references to game theory. His Jargon File has no entry for "emotion" or "feeling."

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2010-01-18 Imagine

Dear Ari,

The Tribe group sounds interesting. I know plenty of engineers with the issues that you speak of - although I couldn't exactly imagine them in a room talking about it! ;)

BTW, the photo of your daughter sleeping on your shoulder is priceless!

Thank you for your feedback on the Tribe.

Everybody knows someone else who has an issue. My observation is that we all have more or less the same issues. Magic happens when we stop trying to fix others and start acknowledging our own emotions.

Thank you for your feedback on the photo. I take particular $PRIDE in how comfortable Leah and I are with each other. Holding her is pure joy. She teaches me a great deal about experiencing $LOVE in the moment of now.
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2010-01-19 Opportunities Utilize and Leverage

Dear Ari,

Since we met, I can't stop thinking that you have a very unique skill that is very rare in engineering field. As a matter of fact, it is a gift! I am wondering if you would be interested in business opportunities that could utilize and leverage such amazing gift to help others and ultimately help and free yourself.

If you are open to hear about it, I would be happy to talk to you more in depth about this great business opportunity. Let me know and please feel free to email or call me if you would like to chat.

Thank you for your encouragement.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $VAGUENESS to a tribe meeting.

A tease walks a fine line between revealing enough to get people's interest...

...and revealing enough for people to lose interest.

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2010-01-19 Egoless

Dear Ari,

Interesting. I remember reading Weinberg's Psychology of Computer Programming, and I regret not having a copy. I expect most of it is just as true today as in the 1970s.

If you want to take this further it needs to have some scientific basis: you need to construct experiments and conduct them in a way that would be accepted for a scientific paper in a psychology journal. That's a significant piece of work but one that would be very valuable. Without that, it all feels a bit touchy-feely.

I think that improvements in psychological/emotional attitudes were very much part of my training and development as a programmer. I think egoless programming was the term used at the time. Exposing your work to critical review by others and accepting criticism in a positive light is a major part of it. My programming improved greatly when I started doing open source work and getting a higher quality of criticism as a result.

I see a lot of people asking questions on forums who are afraid to publish their efforts: they want help to get something working, but you can't help them until they show you their mistakes. I expect you see a lot of this with students.

It's not just the psychology of the individual of course; it's also the group culture, and "no blame" for making mistakes is a vital part of this.

P.S. I don't like this idea you have of publishing comments anonymously. I prefer everything to be attributed. It's all part of being open with each other.

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

As I write and rewrite my response, and notice a persistent feeling that I'm responding to secondary points and missing the essence of your message. I take this resistance as a symptom of a feeling I am unwilling to experience--a feeling that you touch with your feedback. I am grateful to you for this opportunity to experience what I appear to block normally. It seems my resistance is around <pride/> and <arrogance/>. I am looking forward to bringing this resistance to the next Tribe meeting.

Weinberg's choice of terminology has perhaps prevented his analysis from gaining the acceptance it deserved—one has to smile at the thought of describing Internet hackers as ``egoless''. But I think his argument looks more compelling today than ever. --Eric S. Raymond

Weinberg's choice of terminology suggests that big egos are a problem, and doing away with them is the solution. I hold that every feeling has a positive intention, including the feeling of $BIG_EGO. Trying to suppress or "manage" it leads to drama around that feeling. A fear-less programmer, one who blocks his fear, may take too many risks. An ego-less programmer blocks his notion of self, his pride. He may not be sure of who he is, or of his worth. He may seek constant, external validation. He may interpret criticism of his code as personal invalidation.

An engineer with a strong sense of self is comfortable giving and accepting feedback. An engineer who is willing to experience $PRIDE is likely to write code that earns him his peers' praise.


Thank you for stating your preference for being open with each other. I am still experimenting with the format of this golB. Some of the entries here are quite personal, some include references to living third parties, some are plugs. My initial rule is simple and easy to follow: I redact all identifying information from all posts. I feel uncomfortable deciding which posts I may attribute to their authors and which not. Perhaps I can ask my correspondents to specify their choice explicitly in their submissions. If you like, I can put your name on this post.

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2010-01-19 Re: Engineering Emotions

Dear Ari,

There's the gerrn of a good idea here, but it needs a lot more fleshing out, preferably with some examples and stories of specific projects and developers. (I know [my employer] calls us engineers, but I still don't feel like software development is an engineering discipline.)

Thank you for your feedback.

I wonder if you have examples or stories you may wish to contribute to this body of knowledge.

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2010-01-19 Parallel Entrepreneur

Dear Ari,

It was nice meeting you on Saturday. The two companies work in totally separate spaces. I bootstrapped the first one, [url], because I needed a company that provided online registration services and all the existing providers sucked. It's a smaller company focused on servicing one market in an extremely time and capital efficient manner. I wrote all the initial software, but I now mostly handle customer issues and sales.

[Name] Technologies is a VC backed company with tremendous ambition going after an enormous market and is where I spend the vast majority of my time.

The two companies need very different things from me and thus there is little conflict for my time or attention.

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

I notice that your LinkedIn profile lists you are the CTO of both these companies. Thank you for clarifying your $COMMITMENT to each.

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2010-01-19 Spreads Self Too Thin

Dear Ari,

I am not going to be able to attend the meeting tonight as I have to make a house call to one of my celebrity patients. He is the reason i have the [Company] gig in the first place. I am starting to realize that i am spread to thin right now to make the Tribe meetings. I found the first one very interesting as well as intriguing i would have enjoyed seeing how it all played out. However, I think the timing just isn't right for me.

Keep me informed

Thank you for clarifying your commitment.

Stating your commitment clearly
helps dissipate drama around
$DISAPPOINTMENT.

You can inform yourself of the Tribe's progress by following golB posts right here.

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2010-01-19 Wants to Get Story

Dear Ari: Thinking this over, I realize there might be another way for me to get this story, without going to an actual meeting...

If you could connect me with at least 2 participants in the group, who could talk to me in detail about it (without names, if necessary), and if I could also talk to Mr. Seykota, I might have enough.

I would also have to have a talk with you about the tech world, and the big companies, and how emotional health has helped or harmed them ...

Maybe you could bring this up tonight, and see if anyone is willing to talk to me. Just let me know.

Thanks,

[Name], Reporter

[News Organization]

Thank you for your email and your phone call earlier today. I am passing your offer on to the Tribe.

Tribe work is a lot like sex: hearing someone describe the experience of having sex is not the same as having sex yourself. Passively observing someone having sex is not the same as having sex either. Having an observer in the room may even hamper the process.

If you wish to attend a meeting, I invite you to attend as a full participant. I ask that members read my essay on emotions in engineering and Ed Seykota's description of his process and send a description of an issue they wish to resolve, including how they want it to turn out. A requirement to attending is willingness to support other members in their processes and willingness to take the hot seat yourself.

Ed rarely grants interviews, though he answers every email people send to his FAQ. His last interview that I am aware of is in Jack D. Schwager's 1988 book Market Wizards.

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2010-01-20 Wants to Make it Happen

Dear Ari

I think we can do a good story ... give me a call some time this week, let me know what you think, and what your group members think about a possible story.

Let's make this happen... there are small obstacles, sure, but we can figure it all out. I would like to come to one of your meetings, but the understanding will have to be that it is for the purpose of a story...

I'd be willing to talk at the meeting too. I'm not a stranger to support groups myself...As long as everyone involved is clear on what's going on, it should be great.

[Name], Reporter

[News Organization]

Thank you for your continuing interest, and your willingness to participate.

I present your request to the Tribe at the meeting. Contrary to my anticipation, members are uncomfortable with it.

The feedback I get is that the Tribe is very young and is still shaping itself. Our process is at the alpha stage. We may feel more comfortable inviting beta-reviewers after we have several more meetings.

I can let you know when this happens. In the meantime, we can talk about the process, or about the other questions you have. I encourage you to follow golB--the discussion here might give you sense of the Tribe's progress.

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2010-01-20 When I'm 71

Dear Ari

Hope you are well, also congratulations to your fine wife! She looked like mine although we now are 71! Sold the remaining two kits of the Slow Stick [autogyro] to [Country]. Can you deliver more?

PS Plese hold me updated on your snail mail address.

I am glad to pass your kind words on to my wife. I see that you and your wife have a strong commitment to your relationship--thank you for sharing it and inspiring others.

I wonder how many Slow-G kits you wish to buy.

The most recent change in my snail mail address occurs in 2004.

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2010-01-20 Recruiter

Dear Ari,

I was referred to you by a colleague.

My name is [..]; I'm a technical recruiter and I work closely with several top engineering teams in SF, the Peninsula and the S. Bay.

I'm way more into building a business relationship than a specific hiring transaction. As I'm sure you're aware, long term job stability is no longer a fact; and so in the future, when you're ready to move onto your next challenge, I'd like you to be able to consider using my services.

I work directly with the hiring managers who are looking to add some talented engineers. Feel free to check me out at [url] . I love recruiting because it’s the only job where every day I introduce great people to high potential companies with extraordinary career possibilities. My differentiators include my engineering background and my portfolio of top tier VCs.

If interested to chat and look at my portfolio of opportunities, please ping me back.

Regards!

[Name]
Senior Technical Recruiter...

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

Thank you for encouraging me to experience my $FEAR about long-term job stability.

I notice that you hint at your many relationships, starting with a nameless "colleague" who refers you to me. I wonder about the type of business relationship you have with him or her. I wonder what this colleague knows about me that makes me a meaningful candidate for a business relationship with you.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $BUSINESS_RELATIONSHIPS to a tribe meeting.

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2010-01-20 [Name] says you should see this video clip

[Name] thinks you will really like this [WebSite] Video. Check it out! [url]

This email was sent by using the Application: [WebSite] Video Seach. You can stop receiving emails here [url]

Thank you for the link. It takes me to a phishing site that says it is creating an account for me, and asks for usernames and passwords to my email and IM accounts. Description at AllSpammedUp.

I notice a succession of emotions as I go through the experience.

I experience each of these emotions and let them pass through me. Then I notice that the last one feels laughable. I can add this domain to my spam filter and never see another message from them. The $DESPAIR is not a problem any more. As soon as my judgement about it dissipates, the "stack" of emotions unwinds. I come to laugh at them and enjoy them.

I tip my hat to the spammer for getting past the bullshit detectors of two programmers. How cool is that? I notice I actually feel $RESPECT for the spammer's effective tactic. I notice a smile on my face.

Thank you--and the spammer--for helping me experience all this.

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2010-01-21 Meeting Report

Dear Ari,

I'm not sure what to write this time as I was getting confused about the what the Tribe trying to accomplish.

I feel that we have wasted too much time on debating "Intention = Result" with [Name] being late.

Then, I also felt uncomfortable that after I have disclosed what happened to me at my last job, the feedback I got was somewhat judgmental. Even to Today's day, I still didn't know what was really going on over there; and I prefer to let go and not to think about it any more (It was not an entirely bad experience, the "bad feeling" was overwhelming and the "good experience" was not enough to dominate the situation).

I like the process of helping [Name] to clarify his "bumper sticker" regarding to his business ideas. The total elapsed time was a little too long. I'm hoping to keep the meeting at 2 hours length if it's possible.

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

I hold that intention==result. It is my intention to hold a Tribe meeting on Tuesday, and my result is that I show up at the time and place we commit to. My intention is also, evidently, for one of the Tribe members to show up late. One positive intention of him showing up late is to provide an opportunity to notice our feelings around $COMMITMENT, $UNCERTAINTY and $ANGER.

Congruence between intentions and results is fundamental to the Tribal model. Beyond helping us arrive on time, it has immediate and practical implications for software development. Intentions are like the source code of a program, and results are like its output (or "observable side effects"). Psycho-analysis and static-code-analysis attempt to reason about intentions by observing a patient or a piece of source code. In tribe work and in test-centric development, we observe the results, and deduce from them the intention.

$ ./echoone
Segmentation fault
$

By looking at the output of this program, I can assert that its intention is to segfault. It is an easy observation to make, and easy to agree on. The program's result is a segfault; somewhere in its source code must be an expression of this intention.

/* echoone.c: echoes one argument to standard output */
#include <stdio.h>
int main (int argc, char *argv[]) {
    printf ("%s\n", argv[1]);
    return 0;
}

A curious thing about this program is that its author claims an intention to print an argument. He may point to line 1 that documents this "intention" and line 4 that says print first member of argument vector to standard output as a string as evidence of his intention. He may argue that his program manifests that intention under most circumstances or on his machine. This doesn't change the results, or the machine's interpretation, which is print first argument; if no arguments exist, exit abnormally and report a segfault.

It is easy to argue about intentions even of a small program like this. For a complex system, such as a human, exhaustive analysis may well be intractable. Different people (and operating systems) may have slightly different interpretations of the same statements of intention, and arguing about these different interpretations is a popular pastime. OTOH, results are easy to observe and agree on.

In life as in software development, if your results diverge from what you say your intention is, your choice is between (a) accepting that the results you get are the results you want and (b) clarifying your intentions.


Thank you for your feedback on "judgmental." I notice that the terms you use, e.g., "good experience" and "bad feeling" are judgements on these feelings and experiences.

You may wish to bring your feelings about $JUDGING to a Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-22 Ways to Avoid Emotion

Dear Ari,

The positive intention of fear is risk control. If you fear sunlight blinding you, you may block sunlight with a pair of sunglasses. If you fear an emotion, you may block it, too. If you block an emotion, you are ignorant of the positive information that it carries. If your sunglasses are dark enough, you are walking around blind. Ironically, trying to block blindness entrains blindness.

I agree with what you're saying here. My point was that people often, instead of blocking an emotion, block situations that lead to that emotion. That is, they're capable of feeling the emotion, but they either don't like it or don't know how to handle it.

I think the distinction is important. In the case of somebody who blocks emotions completely, they're in the presence of the information the emotion gives them, but they are, as you note, blind to it. This strikes me as a possibly deep psychological problem. It seems you would need to teach them first to recognize/feel their emotions -- I have no idea how you would do that -- and then how to handle them.

In the case of somebody who avoids difficult emotional situations, the person is well aware of their emotions but just doesn't know how to handle them. This is probably an easier thing to teach, as you can often play-act the difficult situation or discuss ahead of time how to cope with the situation. (Whether it's actually an easier thing to learn depends on the person and the particular situation.)

If you know of other work in this field, I can post pointers to it here.

I don't, but I'm woefully undereducated in the field of psychology. Perhaps there is a bibliography of psychology somewhere that is equivalent to DBLP [1]?

[1] http://www.informatik.uni-trier.de/~ley/db/

Thank you for describing different strategies for avoiding emotions.

In the sunlight analogy, one person copes by wearing opaque glasses, and another by staying indoors during the day. I am sure you know engineers who hide from the sun.

"Teaching" people about emotion is as easy as teaching them about sunlight--they already know all about it. If anything, they may want to "unlearn" their judgements on it. The question isn't how to teach the engineer, the question is--does he want to resolve the issue that his coping strategy is helping him to avoid? Most don't.

An important aspect of Tribe work is willingness testing. These defenses may appear completely dysfunctional from the outside, but to the person they are vital. As uncomfortable as a coping strategy may be, the person employs it to protect himself from something that he dreads even more. If a person is sure that he is Count Dracula, he may expect to burn as soon as the sun shines on him. The person in your earlier email who grows up with angry parents may expect to incur punishment as soon as she asserts her boundaries.

I have some tools to help the person who wants to stop being Count Dracula stop being Count Dracula. The drama about sunlight may then simply disappear. OTOH, I don't ever want to push Count Dracula out in the sun as Dracula. I don't want to change anyone, certainly not against their will. I hold that everyone is perfect just they way they are--including Transylvanian nobility.

The tools include role-playing, as you suggest. We focus the role-playing on early memories rather than current situations.

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2010-01-23 No Intention

Dear Ari,

I was referred to you by a colleague who asked to remain anonymous. I've asked if they're ok with disclosing their identity.

I think long-term job instability is a fact; I have no intention to encourage you to experience your fear. It's merely a fact. I help engineers to transition to their next challenge. I try my best to create added value to that process.

I've gone on your site but can't find anywhere when/where the next tribe meeting is; I'd love to attend if acceptable.

Thank you sharing your methodology.

In the tribe, we help each other to experience all our emotions, including $FEAR. If you have no intention to encourage tribe members to experience their emotions, I wonder what contribution you might make to the process.

The Tribe meets every other Tuesday at 7pm in Los Altos, Calif. Membership is by invitation. If you wish to join, send me a description of an issue you wish to resolve, including how you want the result to turn out.

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2010-01-25 Time is Now

Dear Ari,

I am working for a small engineering company in [Country]. Would like to write a short item on CD recycling on our blog ( [url]), and came across your photos of recycle ideas.

Would you mind if I used one of your photos for illustration purposes? I like the one with the clock that says 'now'.

Unfortunately I have no budget to pay you anything, but I would certainly credit the photo with your name.

Please let me know if you agree.

Best wishes,

[Name]

Thank you for asking.

You may use the image as long as you credit this site.

I produce this piece using a combination of CNC milling and laser etching.

The Time is Always Now.

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2010-01-25 Supports his Family

Dear Ari,

One important part of being a father is supporting your family financially. I remember at times being at work many hours more than I wanted to be but when I came home and walked in the door and saw everyone else taken care of it somehow seems right like this was the way it worked sometimes and everything is as it should be. I had my place and everyone else had theirs and if I did my job everything was well. I did not go to all the ball games or events but my working allowed everyone else the freedom to do what they enjoyed.

Family is the essential tribe.

Thank you for sharing your methodology and inspiring others.

I recall families like yours in cinema and literature.

You come across as someone who knows who he is and doesn't need anyone's validation to know how he's doing. I wonder if this is how you always are, or something you develop consciously as you go through life.

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2010-01-26 Photo Credit

Dear Ari,

how nice, thank you! Please have a look at your photo on our blog.

I browsed your golB a bit more- really cool that you help 'geeks' get in touch with their feelings! I reckon you would get on very well with our engineers here. We are a team of only 5, which helps to create the feeling of 'family'. We can totally be ourselves in each others's company.

Really glad I stumbled across your page. Nice to know there are engineers/ people like you out there.

Kind regards,

[Name]

You are welcome.
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2010-01-26 Executable Pseudocode

Programming Questionnaire

[..]

7. In pseudocode or your preferred language, write a program with brief annotations to reverse the words in a string.

For example: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" => "dog lazy the over jumps fox brown quick The"

[..]

The Python version is disappointingly short. The briefest English annotations are longer than the (non-pseudo-)code itself.
def reverse_words(string):
  """splits the argument string on whitespace,
     reverses the resulting list and
     concatenates the list with spaces"""
  return " ".join(reversed(string.split()))

You may wish to bring your feelings around $COMPLEXITY to a tribe meeting.

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2010-01-26 Intention==Result

Hello Ari,

I'm looking for senior software engineers on staff developing Java and XML repository based content platform technology at [Name] Systems in [City]. I received your contact information from a good friend of mine Josh [Last Name] at [Company]. Part of our content platform is center around XML Schema, repository and Xquery. As such your background in XML Schema, XSLTC compiler is highly relevant to the position. Here's a brief job description: [url]. Please contact me ASAP if you're interested. Thank you for your time and looking forward to hearing from you.

[Name, Last]
Director, Content Platform
[Company], LLC

Thank you for clearly stating your intention and for answering my questions on the phone. I am looking forward to meeting you and your colleagues on Friday.

Please pass my regards on to Josh.

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2010-01-28 Opportunities Utilize and Leverage, More Info

Dear Ari,

It was nice connecting today! Thanks for being open minded and listening to the call. Please check out the following links and articles. I will follow up with you soon.

Business opportunity: [url]

The science behind the [Name] technology is a partnership between [Brand], [Name] University School of Medicine and [Name] Technologies.

Please see press release: [url]

Wall street and Forbes on [Company]'s breakthrough [Name] technology:

[Name]

[number] (cell)

Thank you for clarifying your offer.

In the Tribe, we help each other clarify what kind of associations we want in our lives. Some business models seem to hinge on obscuring the roles in a relationship--particularly with respect to who is the ultimate, paying customer.

You may wish to bring your feelings about $CUSTOMERS to a Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-28 Dancing in the Halls

Dear Ari,

Just a note to let you know [Company] is now officially gone! The people left, all 13 of them, were literally dancing in the halls.

[New Owner] ran a perfectly good company into the ground. After the last [Company] layoff an additional 10 people left of their own will.

At the end there were 13 people - and all of us were openly searching for new jobs. Know of any good jobs?

Call if you want more info,

[Name]

Thank you for sharing the news.

You may wish to bring your feelings around $JOBS to a Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-28 His Life

Dear Ari,

I have been married and divorced twice before so it took me awhile to get a handle on this. After my second divorce I took a hard look at what I wanted my relationship to look like and I was lucky to meet a few couples who had very good relationships to model. I overheard one woman asking this lady named [Name] what the secret of her and her husbands marriage was and she replied " I can never make [my husband] wrong about the way he is ". She may not agree with him or his decisions but that is just the way he is and he is perfect just being that way. It is hard to love someone when you are critisizing them and making them wrong for being and feeling a certain way. love and hate doesnt occupy the same space. I did quite a bit of planning for my next wife and what she would be like and quite a bit of work on myself to be able to keep her once I found her. After we were married I noticed several times when my gut reaction was to let her have it I stopped and ask myself if I really get mad and pop off how many times can I do this and she will still love me when I am 84? I am by no means great at this but my wife is truly a blessing for me in my life and I try to act so she thinks I am a blessing in hers. My snapshot on my working life is coming home after being out working and her greeting me at the door with a smile on her face happy I am home and appreciative of the work I have put in during the day for both of our lives.

It is amazing how life can change by simply reframing the context of your life. I find that when I put myself aside and live to provide other people a great life and concern myself with taking care of them my life just works out great with little effort on my part. The more I concern myself with my own happiness and comfort the more miserable I seem to be. Hope something in this helps.

Thank you for sharing your methodology.

The image of your wife greeting you at the end of a hard day is very evocative--thank you for sharing that. I wonder if you often work weekends. I wonder if you can share other images of you and your wife and children together.

If you have any children from your first two marriages, I wonder how your relationships with them are working out.

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2010-01-28 Wahtever it Takes

Another thing. I grew up in a lower middle class family. My parents grew up during the depression. My dad was raised on a farm and they grew everything they needed to survive. Before I was born dad left the farm and went to the city and got a job at the shipyard as a crane operator. When they did not have a ship to work on they sent everyone home until one came in. As such there were many times he was laid off and had no income. I watched him do what ever he had to do for us to eat and pay the bills. Once he went around town mowing other peoples grass for money, he also painted houses, worked as a helper for a guy lying tile or any other odd jobs that he could scrape up. Watching that I became independent and determined to make it on my own. If I had to I would work almost any job, even walmart or McDonald if I had to but I am determined to do for myself. If one job dont work out I will find something somehow. I thank God I have never been in that situation and have been blessed. I think it is all intention, I may not get the job I dreamed of but I will get some job. And then I will keep looking for the one I want while earning money at the other one. I guess what I am trying to say is it is up to me and no one else. If I am to make it I am the one who is going to have to make it happen.

Thank you for sharing your father's methodology.

Your story reminds me of a young Marlon Brando in the 1954 On the Waterfront. He, too, only gets to work at the dock when a ship comes in, and then only when the local union boss throws him a bone.

I notice that I'm not clear on the feelings that come up as I write this. I plan to take this lack of clarity to my next Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-29 Social Media

Dear Ari,

I thought this video presented some interesting info http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIFYPQjYhv8 so what do you think?

Thank you for the link.

The video is mostly a plug for a book and an associating blog. The author's technique revolves around threatening viewers with feelings they are uncomfortable with, and then promissing to make the discomfort go away if they buy the author's wares.

Over the course of my career, I remember hearing similar "evolve or die" pitches about:

Lasting or passing, the trends are genuine. Some of the promoters are not.

You may wish to bring your feelings about $FALLING_BEHIND_THE_TIMES to a Tribe meeting.

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2010-01-30 Patterns in the Closet

Hi Ari,

[Name] from Hadoop land. Thanks for telling me about emotions, software, and cruise missiles. Perhaps I can join your tribe, one fine day. I now see certain patterns in my life that indicate un-confronted emotions. I need whachu got. Alas, I feel too busy to allow myself to clean that particular closet. Nonetheless, it's helpful to give the symptom a name. I don't image we met by chance.

Anyway, I wish you great success in this particular endeavor (I admire your determine and your compassion), as well as joy and fulfillment in all aspects of your life. You're welcome to contact me.

Cheers, [Name]

Thank you for your encouragement.

I wonder what you expect to find in that particular closet when you make some time to clean it.

If you have a
monster in the closet,
you may be blocking
$FEAR.
If you have a
skeleton in the closet,
you may be blocking
$SHAME.
If
you are in the closet,
you may be blocking
$REJECTION.
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2010-01-31 Impact Social Movement at Global Spectrum

Dear [Tribe Member],

Sorry for the late reply. I did not check email until just now since Friday. The Online social network is changing the world and will continue to impact billions of people. I met a [Country] woman who was recently divorced and she met her husband online from another state. My ex-boyfriend's fiancee is from [Country]; they also met online. The social media revolution offers infinite options and choices to people are also add complicities in people's lives.

This phenomenon will impact social movement at a global spectrum as people begin to gain insights and knowledge of other systems and cultures; thus, inevitably impacts the economic systems of many countries especially the progressive countries as well as the developing countries as it poses new challenges and new opportunities as they never had before.

OK